Emma D

A Life Lesson Worth Learning and Sharing

1/31/2019

It’s officially 2019, which means that anyone reading this successfully survived 2018. Congrats, by the way!

So do me a favor, reflect back on your 2018. Let all of the good, the bad, and even the ugly memories from this past year wash over you for just one minute.

Was it the most picture-perfect year of your life?

Did you just barely get through it by the skin on your teeth?

Personally speaking, 2018 was a tremendous year of growth that was overflowing with many influential life lessons. Over the course of the year, I learned that there is no shame in not having all of the answers. I grasped the concept that perfection is BORING, and that it’s our differences, our foibles, and our imperfections that connect us to humanity and make us real. I also learned to understand that good things do not always come easy, and that failure can be a good thing. These were hard hitting and noteworthy lessons that I became cognizant of over the course of 2018.

However, the hardest pill for me to swallow last year was that you can’t please everyone.

I won’t share with you the specific story that really opened my eyes to this, however I know that almost everyone can relate to it in some way. Whether it's a teacher, friend, coach, or even family member, we’ve all had to deal with someone that no matter what we do or how hard we try, still manages to bring us down.

This may sound crazy, but now that I reflect back on that experience, I am actually grateful for that person. Without their constant disbelief, judgement, and accusations, I may not have learned this lesson yet.

“In life you will meet two kinds of people, those who build you up, and those who tear you down. But in the end you’ll thank both.” - Unknown.

It was so difficult for me to come to terms with this because I’m a HUGE people pleaser. I tend to put people’s needs before my own, find it hard to say no, and apologize even when I am not in the wrong. Not only was it very unhealthy for me to constantly worry about what that person thought about me, but it was also stressful to live up to their standards. I had to grasp the concept that people pleasing is the perfect recipe for stress, misery, and frustration. I learned this the hard way!

The bad news is that you cannot make people like, understand, love, accept, or even be nice to you. It’s just reality.

The good news is that it doesn’t matter! Odds are that someone who doesn't accept you as is and sets unrealistic expectations is the one with the problem. The problem isn't you. It is indeed them.

Remember ladies and gents, you can’t please them all and that is okay!

Emma :)

Shedding Light on Mental Illness to End the Stigma

12/13/2018

Have you ever noticed someone who was constantly fidgeting or wouldn't make direct eye contact with you? What about someone who is constantly looking in the mirror, obsessing over what they should look like? You just may have witnessed someone with anxiety, anorexia, depression, ADD, or other issues. They, in fact, could be suffering from mental illness.

Mental health is the condition of a person's psychological and emotional well-being. Are you aware that 25% of the people in the world will develop a mental disorder at some point in their lifetime? Approximately 19% of the adult population currently suffers from some sort of mental illness. Mental illness affects approximately 46% of teenagers and 13% of children in the U.S. each year.

Did you know any of these facts? Is it still not ringing a bell?

The scariest thing about mental illness are not the statistics. The most horrific part is that it’s so hidden. Often, when mental illness is brought out into the limelight, it is viewed as abnormal by society. In fact, it’s so concealed that 67% of the individuals battling it, will never seek help. It’s about time that we shed some light on the importance of mental health and stop the stigma associated with mental health disorders.

It’s no secret that the stigma surrounding mental health disorders is on the rise. A stigma is a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person. The shame surrounding mental illness is so powerful, mostly due to the media stereotypes and lack of education, that people tend to attach negative stigmas to mental health conditions. This causes individuals suffering from this to be called names, feel embarrassed, or even to be blamed for their condition, which is completely outrageous!

I believe that ALL people have the right to be treated with humanity and respect. People struggling with their mental health may be in your family, live in your neighborhood, go to your church, or work in the same building as you.

We live in a society that puts up a front about how we should look, feel, and act. If we don’t fit that “mold,” then we feel like we have failed ourselves or don’t fit in with the rest of society. People are frightened of being portrayed as weak and have a hard time asking for help. This is the main reason why 67% of those individuals choose not to get help, because of the stigma that WE as Americans have placed upon them.

By now you may be asking yourself, “What can I possibly do to help?” The answer is straightforward. Be accepting of others! Yes, it sounds simple. That’s because it is! Just by showing individuals respect, acceptance, and taking the time to listen to them, you will provide helpful support. Having others see you as a person and not as an illness can make a monumental difference for someone who is struggling with their mental health.

If you are suffering, talk to a trusted friend or adult. Know that you are not alone. Remember, ladies and gents, your illness does not define you! Your strength and courage does! Let’s end the stigma.

What It Takes to Make a Difference

11/18/2018

I cannot solve all of the worlds problems. I wish that I could. Don’t we all?

I wish I was super brilliant, and that I had a stellar IQ. I wish I never made ANY mistakes, and that I could be perfect. But that’s not how life works, now is it?

According to author Mandy Hale, in order to make a difference in the world, or even in someone else’s life, I don’t need to be any of these things. I don’t have to be beautiful, rich, brilliant, or even perfect. I just have to care.

It’s taken me some time to realize that I don’t have to be a Mother Theresa, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, or a Bill Gates to inspire others or make a difference in the world. I just have to be me, Emma Duncan.

My actions, how I love, show empathy, and mercy on everyone makes a difference. Not an, “Oh my gosh, Emma just discovered the theory of relativity,” type of difference. But a, “Wow, Emma really lives to serve. She always goes the extra mile,” kind of difference.

Sometimes I obtain a false sense of reality that I’m not capable of accomplishing such things. It’s natural. We all have doubt, don’t we?

However, the truth is that every one of us was put in this world to make a difference in our own unique way. Whether that be developing the world's largest software business, or just being a good friend.

At my church, we are in the midst of a series called, “The Difference of One.” This past weekend our pastor focused mainly on Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” A peacemaker is someone who takes the conflict-ridden world we live in and instead of fueling its conflict, brings peace into it. But peacemakers don’t just make an everlasting impact in one day now do they? It takes time.

It all starts with one simple action. Have you ever heard of The Butterfly Effect? It’s a theory that basically says that one small action or change, can lead to an even greater change further down the line. For instance, when a butterfly flaps its wings, it moves the slightest bit of air. That small amount of movement will lead to more movement that could cause a hurricane somewhere across the world.

This effect is true for people as well, not just butterflies. One small action can create a series of bigger reactions that might just change the world for better or for worse.

Becoming a peacemaker and launching my butterfly effect into action will take time. Patience is key! I have to remember to love and have mercy on others, and to show kindness and compassion even though it may be VERY hard to do sometimes. By doing these things, I can help others lead the life they were meant to live, and inspire them to do the same for others.

Remember ladies and gents, If you want to make a difference and be remembered, you do not have to do incredible things! You just have to care.

Peace out y’all! Speaking of peace, go and be a peacemaker!

~Emma :)

Putting the Family Puzzle Together One Piece at a Time

10/5/2018

During Spring Break of the 2017-2018 school year, my family and I received some exciting yet unexpected news. After some digging on various social media platforms, phone calls, texting, and exchanging of photos, it was confirmed that my Dad had three other siblings!

Alrighty, let’s rewind a bit.

My dad, Jeff, and his twin brother, Jay, were adopted by my grandma and late grandpa in December 1974 when they were just six weeks old. The boys had known all of their lives that they were adopted, however there were a lot of missing pieces to their puzzle. They did not know who their birth parents were or where their biological family resided, but were open minded to possibly finding out one day.

Now, let’s fast forward to last spring break.

My dad and his brother found out about a new law, which enabled them to obtain their official birth certificates. When they received them in the mail, their biological mother's name was listed. My uncle then proceeded to google her name, which led him to her obituary. She had died six years ago of breast cancer. After further examination of the obituary, he had uncovered that their mom had three other children. My dad and uncle had two sisters, and a late brother who died in a tragic car accident when he was sixteen.

After numerous calls, group chats, and photo exchanges, we were certain that this exciting news was legit and my parents arranged for us to all meet!

In mid June, we packed up our things and took a trip down to Springfield, Missouri. When we arrived, we were greeted by two beaming ladies who were their sisters. We barbequed, played lawn games and cards, and caught up on lost time for hours on end.

The joy of new siblings for my dad, meant NEW COUSINS for my sister and I. Our family isn’t very large, so doubling the cousin count was THRILLING! We had so-o-o-o much fun together that after the barbeque was over, we decided to take the party over to my cousin’s grandparent's house; where swimming, pizza, and washers filled the rest of the night.

I NEVER once had doubt in my mind that these people were related to us. There was absolutely no denying the similarities between the four siblings. If you were to line all of them up and look at them, there are physical traits that they all share. Between the four of them, there are also MANY personality traits that they have in common. For example, my dad and one of the sisters are more quiet and reserved, whereas my uncle Jay and the other sister enjoy being the life of the party. It’s even quite comical that my dad and one of the sisters are so similar, that they even have the same profession as math teachers and coaches at the schools where they work! What are the odds!?

Since our initial meeting, we have gone to church, out to eat, shopping, and spent many hours catching up on 44 years of lost time. I guess you could say that the pieces of the puzzle have finally been put back together!

Until next time ladies and gents,
Emma :)

Going Out on a Limb

7/29/2018

When the going gets tough, many people turn to a motivational quote for a bit of inspiration. I recently spent some time thinking. What motivates me? When I feel unworthy or discouraged where do I look?

A few weekends ago at church my pastor quoted the words of Christine Caine. She once said that, “God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called.” I immediately wrote it down in my notes so I wouldn’t forget it. There was just something about that quote that really spoke to me.

The next morning when I was reading in 2 Timothy, I came across 2 Timothy 3:16-17 which reminded me of the words of Christine. It says that, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” CRAZY COINCIDENCE right?!?!

So how does this inspire or motivate me? I’m sure most of you reading this have felt ineligible, or not “good enough” to do something at some point. For me, I feel that since I am so young, I do not know enough and am not qualified to teach others about the gospel.

There are many people who are turned off at the idea of religion. Because of this, I am easily worried that my peers won’t care or be accepting about what I have to say.

I have to admit, I was very nervous about writing this post. Especially since I’m not currently in a church environment or surrounded by other Christians. What If I don’t say the right things? Will the people reading this continue to take me seriously? Or treat this post like it’s a joke?

When I started to feel this way while beginning to write this, I thought of what Christine said. Although sometimes I may feel as if I am “too young” or “unqualified” to serve my part, her words remind me that I AM enough, I AM called, and I AM qualified. If that doesn’t prove it, 2 Timothy 3:16-17 sure does. It says that I am not only equipped, but THOROUGHLY equipped. Even if that means being vulnerable enough to put my personal thoughts out there like this.

In today's world, especially as a teenager, I feel as if most of us are caught hiding behind our own masks. We are scared of rejection and afraid of judgment. Rejection can be a criminal and steal our self-worth and joy.

Some may even feel as if they are alone, which is why in today's world we are DESPERATE to fit in. We may even do the wrong things in attempt to do so, which will only hurt in the long run.

We have to get past the fear of rejection. Once we surpass that fear and take off our “masks” we will experience so much beauty and feel so much joy. We will feel SO QUALIFIED to do whatever it is that needs to be done.

Remember ladies and gents, when the going gets tough and you go searching for motivation, remember the words of Christine. If you are called to do something, you ARE qualified! Don’t ever let yourself think anything different!

That's a wrap ;) ,
Emma

Emma’s Two Cents on How to Stay on Top of Things

7/11/2018

Let’s admit it. Life can get pretty crazy and out of whack sometimes! Something that I have found that really aids in keeping my life in line, as well as my priorities straight, is designing beneficial routines.

I thought that I would share with you five little pointers that work big wonders. These are tips that I already have or am trying to fall into. They will assist you with staying on task. When developed over time, these small “life hacks” can insure phenomenal change

Make the Bed
I know, most of you are already rolling your eyes at this idea. However, as pointless and ridiculous as it may sound, it makes a huge difference! Hear me out on this one, I NEVER used to be a bed maker. I would try to convince my parents of how pointless the task sounded. I mean, you are just going to get back into it the next night, so why bother? However, once I began making it every day, I could not believe the change. Not only does it make my bedroom look much nicer, but I feel like it gives me a forward-thinking start to my day. Do it. You won’t regret it.

Keep an Organized Calendar
My Mom is one hundred percent responsible for instilling this habit in me! Us Duncans keep a family calendar, through the iPhone calendar app, which is synched so all four of us can see what is to occur throughout the course of the week. It is easy and beneficial! I also maintain a personal calendar in my room to keep track of what is taking place during the month.

Finish One Task Before Moving Onto the Next
Oh boy. My family can validate that I am NOT the best at this one! Right now, there are two unfinished paintings that I am working on, a half-read book that needs to be completed, and I have yet to fully accomplish packing for camp! Please take my advice, once you fall into this bad habit it isn’t the easiest fix. As the queen of unfinished projects, I know this! I can ensure you that I am working on this and will (hopefully) become a master at taking things one step at a time until they are completed.

Everything Has a Home
This is something my Dad will typically say to me when he finds my belongings strung all over the house. Again, I am not perfect at this one, but I’m working on it! This tip is especially helpful when trying to maintain a clean room. It makes things a lot easier to locate and will help your room not to look as cluttered. Everything has a home!

Three Important Things
When you wake up in the morning, it is beneficial to have at least three things that you would like to accomplish. This is a very simple hack to ensure the day is productive! You can decide whether you to keep track of these goals mentally or physically. I keep a mental checklist.

Scroll back to see an example of what my mental checklist may look like on a day where there is not much to be done.

Bonus Tip!
This one goes out to those students who may struggle with keeping all of their due dates and exam days in line. You know who you are! My advice to you is to keep a planner. At the start or end of class, take out your planner and make note of what is due when, as well as when the next test will be. This is a very good way to keep all of your ducks in a row when it comes to school. It will make your high school experience a tad less stressful!

Remember ladies and gents, only you can control your life! You may have read this and decided that you WANT to become more organized. However, you must be WILLING to give these tips a try if you wish to get what you desire! These organizational skills may be hard to enforce yourself to follow at first, but in the long run they really do pay off.

Hope this helps!
Emma

A Life Lesson Worth Learning and Sharing

Shedding Light on Mental Illness to End the Stigma

What It Takes to Make a Difference

Putting the Family Puzzle Together One Piece at a Time

Going Out on a Limb

Emma’s Two Cents on How to Stay on Top of Things

Emma ​Duncan

Archives

Emma
Duncan