Joie Heien said during one of our class discussions (while still on hybrid) something along these lines, "MT, I bet you are someone who knows when it is time to let go and walk away." I cannot even remember what the conversation was about that day, but those words struck a chord.
The reality is I am not always the best at knowing when it is time to let go. I hate change. I hate goodbyes. I hate "the last" of anything. So, ever since I ripped that bandaid off and fully committed to taking the "25 and out" reduced retirement package through the PSRS that I had been pondering for most of the school year, I have been on a roller coaster of highs and lows.
As a goal-oriented person, early retirement feels like a failure. So, all the "congratulations" in the world are not smoothing out my internal conflict. My goal was to teach for 30 years, but life has had other plans. Family duties call and the gravitational pull of the family I have left (especially one spunky almost 90-year-old grandma) is intense. The desire to sit quietly with them or help them with their needs suddenly seems more exciting than helping kids find their passion. Just writing that feels strange. I love helping people find their passion, their calling, and their sense of adventure.
My daughter can be quite profound. Recently when I was having one of my tear-filled moments of sadness over this goodbye to school, she said, "Just because it is comfortable, doesn't mean it is good for you anymore, mom."
Much love, but no goodbye.
Instead, I will end it with a "See you Later!"
~ MT